Wasabi
by Jedi Cosmos
Summary: Sirius plays a prank on all of Hogwarts... and no one but Harry knows it! Crackfic.


wasabi

Disclaimer: I don't own the Budweiser commercial, nor anything of Harry Potter.

A/N: WASABI!!!LOL, sorry, I just love that commercial and thought it was hilarious (I love Japanese wasabi though, it tastes nummy).You won't understand this fic if you haven't seen the commercial.SO!Here's another little ficlet from me....Hermione's a prefect in this.*Astrics* means italics.

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WASABI

Part I: The Gryffindor Password

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After the welcoming feast back, Hermione, being a Gryffindor prefect, led everyone to the Fat Lady portrait that guarded Gryffindor Tower.

Hermione was very proud that she was a prefect.She had worked long and hard on her homework, and was glad she had.She shot another look at Harry and Ron, who looked a bit sheepish--she had told them every chance she got that they should have listened to her and done their homework so they could have become prefects as well.Either way, Hermione was going to do her job right!She gave a reassuring smile to the first years (yet Ron and Harry thought that the look on her face had an uncanny resemblance to the one that Percy usually wore)."Wasabi," Hermione said to the Fat Lady.

"Wasabi," the Fat Lady said back.

"No, I said *wasabi,*" Hermione replied, shooting a glance at everyone behind her--all of whom were watching and listening, wondering what the hold up was.

"Wasabi!" the Fat Lady replied.

"Ohhhh!" a first year said suddenly.She smiled brightly."Wasabi!"

"Wasabi?" Ron wondered out loud.

About ten other random students replied."Wasabi!"

"What's wasabi mean?" Harry whispered to Hermione.

Hermione pouted as she and Harry watched all the muggle-born Gryffindors turn around and start saying Wasabi.The magic-raised students muttered 'wasabi' confusedly, but that only encouraged the others to say 'wasabi' again."Wasabi is an herb traditionally used to garnish raw fish, like sushi, and noodle, or soba, dishes in Japan. The ground root-like rhizome pungently flavors many foods in Japanese cuisine and its bright green color adds color contrast, for which Japanese dishes are famous. In the last twenty years, because of low supply of fresh Wasabi rhizomes, substitutes made of mixtures of horseradish, mustard, and food coloring have taken the place of freshly prepared Wasabi. Other--"

"Okay, okay," Harry said, "just shut up already.How do you know all that?"

Hermione pouted."It was in *Hogwarts: A History.*"

Harry shook his head, amazed."Everything's in that book."

"Of course," Hermione replied huffily.

Ron returned to their said and said happily (confused, of course, but still happy), "Wasabi!"

Hermione slapped him."SHUT UP!"Ron rubbed his cheek and wondered what it all meant.Hermione, meanwhile, was very upset.This was not how she wanted the first time opening the portrait to go!

"QUIET!" she exclaimed suddenly, stopping all the Gryffindors in their tracks.They stared at her.Hermione spun back around to face the Fat Lady."THE *PASSWORD* IS WASABI!NOW OPEN THE DOOR!"

"Oh..." the Fat Lady said, looking quite put out."And here I was, thinking that someone was actually asking me how I've been...oh, it's so hard, being the Gryffindor portrait.Nobody asks me how I am, they just say the password and I have to wake up and open for them, even at ungodly hours.It's quite hard, really, and it's so lonely --"

"Awww!" a different first years girl said.

"That's so sad!" someone else cried.

"Wasabi?" Ron asked, hoping to brighten her mood.

The Fat Lady burst into tears, hugging a pillow that was by her chair.Tears were pouring down her face as she smiled widely and said, "wasabi!" in a heart-wrenching tone.

"Wasabi!" more people yelled cheerily.

Suddenly, someone yelled out something other than 'wasabi'!Professor McGonagall was approaching, and by the looks of it, she was *mad.*

"What is the meaning of this?" she burst out."Why aren't you all in the Tower?You came up here half an hour ago!"

"Wasabi, Professor," a second year explained with a smile.

Professor McGonagall raised an eyebrow."Wasabi?"

"Wasabi!" the whole of Gryffindor exclaimed in unison.

"But that's the password!" Hermione said in exasperation.

"Exactly!" replied Professor McGonagall sternly."If you've all been repeating that for the past half hour, why are you still out here?"

"Because the Fat Lady won't open up!"

Professor McGonagall turned to the Fat Lady."Open up!The students need to rest!"

"Wasabi?" the Fat Lady asked.

"Yes, yes!" Professor McGonagall cried, getting extremely irritated."Wasabi!Now open up!"

"Okay," the Fat Lady said agreeably.

Finally, the portrait swung open.Professor McGonagall and Hermione both sighed in relief as the students began climbing in.

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WASABI

Part II: The Mind-Controlling Word

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The next morning at breakfast, Harry, Ron, and Hermione plopped themselves down and started eating slowly.For some odd reason, breakfast consisted of bacon, eggs, and a side dish of salad.Ron and Hermione ate theirs, but Harry pushed his away--he liked bacon and eggs more."Wasabi?" Ron asked Harry lazily.

"Shut up," Harry replied (who, of course, didn't understand what the hell everyone was going on about).His answer was becoming quite automatic.Everyone around him was saying 'wasabi,' it was spreading and controlling everyone's minds!Like the Imperius Curse!

Harry blinked and choked on his breakfast.*That must be it!* he thought.*This is some sort of mind-controlling curse!*

He grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill from his bag (which they all brought with them in so they could take their time with breakfast).He wrote:

Sirius--

I think there's something wrong at Hogwarts.People won't stop saying the word 'wasabi'!All the students!I'm one of the only people that's not saying the word constantly!

--Harry

When Hedwig came around, he gave it to her and taking it in her beak, she flew off.

Ron, Harry, and Hermione walked to Charms, their first class.Professor Flitwick started the class by saying, "Wasabi!"

"Wasabi!" the class replied (except for Harry).Even Hermione had begun to say the word!

Professor Flitwick smiled and held up a parchment roll of lecture notes."Wasabi?"

"Wasabi!" everyone replied.Harry looked around.*It's as if they understand each other just by saying that word...*

Professor Flitwick smiled."Wasabi."

Everyone in the class got up and left, Harry following confusedly.Harry didn't like the way everyone was, so he went up to his room, ignoring Ron as he asked a concerned 'wasabi' as he did.

Hedwig came into his dorm a few minutes later.Harry got the letter off her leg excitedly--Sirius would know what to do!He opened the letter, and read in anticipation.

Harry--

WASABI!

--Sirius

Harry ripped the letter up, his mind howling.*No!Not Sirius too!*He had to go see Dumbledore!

Harry ran down the stairs, out the portrait hole (with the Fat Lady yelling "wasabi!" after him).He was running towards Dumbledore's office when he collided with two other people--Snape and Malfoy!

"Potter!" Snape cried almost gleefully when they had all stood up again, "Ten points from Gryffindor!"

Harry's jaw dropped."You're not saying 'wasabi'!"

"Neither am I," Malfoy said."Figures that the stupid Gryffindors would start something like this!"

"Shut up!" Harry said angrily."We have to help everyone!Where's Professor Dumbledore?"

Snape shook his head."Dumbledore is saying the word too.This is up to us!"

"But *why* is everyone saying 'wasabi'?" Draco wondered aloud.

"Wait a second," Snape said."Wasabi is an herb...maybe--"

"The kitchens!" the three exclaimed at the same time.They all started running (Harry and Draco raced, of course, neither of them wanting to be the slower one).

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WASABI

Part III: The Anti-Wasabi Potion

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"No wonder..." Snape said as he sniffed at the salad that was served earlier at breakfast."This salad is powdered in wasabi!It's making everyone say it!"

"But why would the house elves do that?" Harry asked.

Draco snorted derisively and shrugged."I don't think it *was* the house elves."Snape and Harry raised eyebrows at him, so he simply pointed.

The two spun to see that behind the counters in the kitchen, rather than house elves, three Japanese cooks were busily hustling around the kitchen, making food.When Draco, Harry, and Snape (bowl of salad still in hand) approached them, one looked up and smiled at Snape."Wasabi?" he asked, pointing at the salad.

Snape frowned."This will take too long to wear off.I'm going to go make an anti-wasabi posion *cough* ahem, I mean, potion.See to it that these three are escorted out of Hogwarts."With a last glare at the two students, Severus Snape stalked out of the kitchens.

Harry exchanged glances with Draco."How do we get them out of here?"

"Use your head, Potter," Draco said, taking out his wand."Magic them out, of course."

"But we can't do that without hurting them," Harry pointed out, watching the three chefs merrily cooking.

Something tugged at the sleeve of Harry's robe.It was Winky, and behind her were all the house elves!(Harry noticed that Dobby was tied up and gagged--he supposed that the other house elves got tired of him suggesting that they should get paid and days off.)

"Harry Potter, sir, is getting Three Japanese Chefs out!House elves is getting tired of Three Japanese Chefs, sir!" Winky said heatedly.

"Yes, yes," Harry said, raising his wand with a sigh."Well, I suppose we should transfigure them into something and give them to Professor Dumbledore to be set free?"

Draco nodded."I'd rather kill them, but that'll work, too."

While Harry transfigured two of the chefs into buttons and put them in the pocket of his robe, Draco transfigured the last chef into a little jellybean.Snape entered just then holding a flask.He poured it on all of the food, and the three of them left the kitchens with the house elves cheering behind them.

After dinner, no one was saying 'wasabi' anymore, but were talking normally--as if they never even knew about it at all!

After dinner, Harry, Draco, and Snape went to Dumbledore's office, sat down, and explained to him what had happened.Draco and Harry handed Dumbledore the three transfigured Japanese chefs and he placed them carefully on his desk.Snape and Draco left, leaving Harry with Dumbledore.

"I will say it again," Dumbledore said, "you have shown bravery beyond anything I could have expected of you tonight, Harry.You have shown bravery equal to those who stood up to three Japanese chefs that cooked food with wasabi."

"Thank you, Professor," Harry said, vaguely realizing that what Dumbledore had just said was an edited version of what Dumbledore had told him after he explained what happened with his duel against Voldemort the year before.

Dumbledore smiled warmly, his eyes twinkling.He pulled out a bag of Every-Flavored Beans, and offered some to Harry, who declined.He pulled out a bean, but dropped it on his desk.Instead of picking up the original he had dropped, he picked up another--Harry realized it was one of the three Japanese chefs, but as it was too late, he didn't say anything.

"Ah," Dumbledore said after swallowing, with a frown, "I told you before in your first year that I have bad luck with these every-flavor beans."

Harry could only nod.

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WASABI

Epilogue: The Dawn of a New Expression

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Harry was to met Sirius on the grounds near the lake, as planned that night."Hey," Harry asked, realizing something he hadn't before."If you didn't eat the Hogwarts food--"

Sirius grinned."Who do you think let the three Japanese chefs into the kitchens, huh?"

Harry laughed."So you knew all along!"

"Well, I can't lose my touch!I have to practice every once in a while, don't I?I have a new idea though...I asked the house elves to put it in tomorrow's breakfast."

Harry raised an eyebrow at Sirius suspiciously.

"Oh, no," Sirius laughed, shaking his head."This won't last nearly as long, only until noon, I suspect.But have fun with it."

Harry nodded profusely, promising he would, and went back to his dorm.

The next morning after breakfast during Potions...

"What are YOU doing?" Professor Snape exclaimed.

"What are YOU doing?" Goyle replied.

"What are YOU doing?" Seamus snapped back.

Harry grinned.

A/N: Okay, yes, that was very strange, but I love the commercials ^.^Check my other fic "Pairing" out!And please remember REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!


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